The Thera-Posing Dating Trend Can 'Damage Someone's Well-Being,' According To Our Therapist
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Let's not beat around the bush — relationships are hard. Taking care of yourself while building emotional bridges with another person is a real balancing act. Whether you're trying to date while working on your mental health or you feel like you need to improve communication in your existing relationship, therapeutic language can seem like a handy shortcut to expressing big, complicated ideas. However, leaning too hard on psychological concepts can also spiral into a potentially harmful dating trend known as thera-posing.
"Thera-posing" is a pretty evocative phrase, and you may already be envisioning a few armchair psychologists in your social circle. But it's important to understand the real definition and significance of the thera-posing trend. To get the lowdown on this new dating terminology, Glam spoke exclusively to Jaime Bronstein, licensed relationship therapist and author of "MAN*ifesting: A Step-By-Step Guide to Attracting the Love That's Meant for You."
As Bronstein explained, "Thera-posing is when someone is 'posing' as a therapist. This often occurs in relationships and can be detrimental when someone misuses clinical therapy terms." The casual use of mental health language can happen for many reasons, especially as it becomes increasingly mainstream. Sometimes, slinging around therapeutic jargon can be an intentional power move, but it can also come up as couples earnestly try to understand each other. However it's intended, beware, as Bronstein warns that thera-posing can negatively impact your relationships.
The potential damage of thera-posing
Staying on the same page in a relationship takes a lot of work, so partners may be tempted to pepper helpful psychological concepts into their serious talks. But misappropriating this language may do more harm than good. "The downside of thera-posing happens when it is used as an insult and a judgment is made under false pretenses," Jaime Bronstein exclusively told Glam. "Words hurt; therefore, thera-posing can damage someone's well-being and potentially shatter their confidence if they buy into what they are being called."
To give us a clearer idea of how thera-posing might occur, Bronstein outlined a few examples. For instance, it may be thera-posing if "someone acts a little selfish and their significant other calls them a 'narcissist.'" In most cases, this would be a pretty big exaggeration — and probably hurtful to the person being labeled.
"Another example is if someone is acting a little moody and their significant other calls them 'bipolar,'" Bronstein added. It can also happen if "your significant other seems to have a lot on their mind [or] isn't present when you are trying to speak with them, and you tell them they must have ADD." These off-the-cuff judgments aren't fair unless someone has been given a genuine diagnosis by a professional. And whenever one partner uses clinical terms to pigeonhole the other, it can seem high-handed and insulting, which is a quick way to drive a wedge into the relationship.
How much therapy speak is too much?
We see how misusing clinical terminology can become a slippery slope, but is therapy speak ever beneficial? Jaime Bronstein exclusively suggested to Glam that there's a happy medium between ignoring these psychological insights and weaponizing them in a relationship. "Knowing psychological terms can benefit a relationship when appropriately used," Bronstein explained. "For example, if you are insightful and self-aware, you might pause after judging your significant other and then proclaim that you are just projecting your feelings and emotions onto them."
That said, there's definitely a line. "Using therapeutic language and concepts in everyday conversations can be beneficial for communication in a relationship, but it has limits," Bronstein warned us, suggesting a few signs that thera-posing is becoming a hindrance rather than a help. First and foremost, therapy speak is useless if it makes your communication inauthentic. "If a couple constantly uses therapeutic jargon, it can make interactions feel scripted or insincere. It's essential also to have spontaneous and genuine conversations," Bronstein clarified.
Mental health terminology can also lead to excessive analysis — another enemy of genuine connection. "Constantly dissecting each other's words and actions can result in a lack of spontaneity and an overemphasis on problem-solving instead of simply experiencing the relationship," Bronstein told us. Finally, this style of communication needs to be used on a level playing field, as you don't want your partner to feel "patronized" or to erect a "barrier or resentment" between you two.
Improving relationship communication without thera-posing
Communication is one of the cornerstones of a healthy relationship, so how can you use therapeutic tools to bolster your connection without falling prey to thera-posing? The key, as Bronstein exclusively told Glam, is in moderation and thoughtful application. "The balance lies in using these tools to enhance understanding and empathy while maintaining the natural, emotional, and individual expression that makes each relationship unique," Bronstein told us.
Remember: Communication is a two-way street. To prevent accidental grandstanding and avoid marginalizing your partner's feelings, clinical expressions should only be used if they're accessible to both parties — and if they're actually adding something to the dialogue. As Bronstein reminded us, "It's crucial to check in with each other to ensure that communication styles are working for both people in the relationship."
Instead of feeling pressured to quantify or define your feelings, it may help to skip the psychoanalysis and place more emphasis on simple honesty. "Always communicate your feelings without the fear that you will be judged. Trust your feelings and authentically share them without worrying about any therapy jargon," Bronstein advised us. "When a therapy term comes to mind and is relevant, share it. Otherwise, your communication will be more effective and productive if you keep it real and speak in layman's terms." In short, when fostering lines of communication with your loved ones, don't forget to keep the heart in your heart-to-hearts.