The Most Unexpected Things Men Find Attractive, According To Our Relationship Experts
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It's not always easy to know what men are looking for in a woman — looks aren't always the main thing when it comes to attraction. Knowing what the opposite sex is looking for could help you find love faster. Of course, just as what you look for in a partner may change as you get older, know that it's likely men's interests change as well. When it comes to attraction, it helps to know what it is. "I tend to define attraction as forces which pull people together," professor of social psychology Dr. Madeline Fugère told Brides. "These forces can be things like liking, sexual desire, similarity, or even just physical proximity."
To get an idea of what men find most attractive about women, Glam reached out to two experts in the field of relationships — Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, and Dr. Terri Orbuch, aka The Love Doctor, relationship expert, Distinguished Professor at Oakland University in Michigan, and author of "Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship." "When it comes down to what men find attractive, I have heard it all as a matchmaker. Some things are obvious, and some things truly aren't," Trombetti told us. "Don't blame me for what I have heard and [am] about to say, because sometimes, even I just don't get it."
Mean girls
Whether or not you're a fan of the movie "Mean Girls," it seems that some guys like that type. The boldness that comes with being a bad girl could be one of the reasons men are attracted to this personality. As Susan Trombetti exclusively told us, "Men love women that are b*tches. There's even a book about why men love b*tches." While that may seem shocking to some, there are possible reasons for this attraction. "I don't even like to explain this one, but I think it has to do with a woman that can hold her own and trying to please her/make her happy," Trombetti added. "But sometimes, the meaner the better and the harder they try. It might be because it's some sort of competition to change her."
While your potential mate may be thinking he can tame that wild side of yours, he could also be attracted to your mean streak because it makes you look super confident. Perhaps they want to be around a "queen bee" leader type, and sometimes that's exactly what a mean girl persona seems to portray. They seem like they're in control, and while mean girls can be pretty intense to deal with, some men are just attracted to it. To each their own!
Humor without making fun of themselves
Guys like women with a good sense of humor, according to Dr. Terri Orbuch. But while some men may think your humor is endearing, you can go too far with it if you're demeaning yourself. " ... whatever you do, stay away from self-deprecating humor, like making fun of your chosen career or how you never have enough cash in your pocket," Dr. Orbuch exclusively told us. You may get a chuckle out of making fun of your bad habits or how you can't seem to hold down a job, but your potential love interest might be cringing and wondering what kind of mess he'll get himself into if he goes any further with the relationship.
But why is this type of self-deprecating humor so bad, over all others? It could be that men want to see that you're confident and value yourself. After all, we've already established that some guys like mean girls — they just don't want you to be mean to yourself. Plus, according to a study published in Personal Relationships, men and women both enjoy a sense of humor in their partner, but they prefer positive types of humor over negative. Just watch your jokes to keep them PC and save the dirty jokes for when you know a guy is into that sort of thing.
Beautiful eyebrows
While eyes may be the windows to our souls, it seems that some men are all about those eyebrows. "Some men just love eyebrows. I find it bizarre that they single this one element out on a woman's face, but they do at times," Susan Trombetti exclusively told Glam. "I understand that eyebrows are a big thing because they really can make or break a face, but to be attracted to a woman for this only leaves me dumbfounded ... Some men just love women with beautiful eyebrows and forget the rest of it," she said.
Of course, what each man considers beautiful, when it comes to eyebrows, is in the eye of the beholder. Thin and trendy '90s brows may be an attractor for a guy who grew up surrounded by celebrities rocking the pencil-thin look, while fuller eyebrows may be what gets other men going. Eyes also tend to be one of the first things men notice about women — and those brows are a frame for your eyes. As a spokesperson for Murine eye drops told Daily Mail, "Eyes usually tell us a lot about a person so we aren't surprised that eyes are what draws us to the opposite sex."
Intelligence
We may see a lot of movies where the seemingly "dumb" or naive girl gets the guy. Though, even in cases such as "Legally Blond," the dumb girl often proves she's not as naive as we think. Even so, it seems that guys actually like women who are smart, according to Dr. Terri Orbuch. "That doesn't necessarily mean highly educated," Dr. Orbuch exclusively told us, "but instead, women who take the time and effort to know a lot about certain topics (could be street smarts rather than book smarts) are more attractive to men." So, according to Dr. Orbuch, you don't have to worry if you're not carrying around a PhD.
It's also important to note that while many men are attracted to intelligence, they may not like to be overshadowed on their favorite topics. Just like most women prefer not to be mansplained to, men too would probably prefer not to be made to feel inferior and unknowledgeable on certain topics. So, on those first few dates, just as much as you're talking about your own passion topics, make sure that you're also practicing active listening — it can truly make all the difference in your new relationship.
Humor over looks
While looks are subjective, you don't have to be the prettiest or sexiest to win over a man's affection. "Some men love funny women that aren't particularly attractive," Susan Trombetti exclusively told Glam. "They will pick a funny woman that makes them fall over with laughter more than a gorgeous woman." Trombetti went on to give this example: "I remember a man trying to decide between two women before I was a matchmaker ... One was his fiancé, that I should add was all things and beautiful, but he fell for this hilariously funny woman he met and broke off the engagement. As a matchmaker, I hear about men wanting funny all the time, and it's up there on the want list."
So does laughter really lead to a better love match? That's just what associate professor of communication studies, Jeffrey Hall, sought to find out in his study, published in Evolutionary Psychology in 2015. "If you meet someone who you can laugh with, it might mean your future relationship is going to be fun and filled with good cheer," he told KU News. If you can crack a joke that has both of you laughing, it's safe to say that love is in the cards.
Independence
We may think men would like someone who needs them, but the truth is, many would prefer a woman who is independent and wants to spend time with him rather than needing his presence. Though there can be downsides to being too independent, showing that you can take care of yourself and that you don't need all of your partner's time and resources can go a long way in winning someone over romantically. There's a need for balance here. Plus, his interest in your independence could have a lot to do with the fact that men like a challenge, so winning over someone who is happy on their own could be seen as a big feat.
"You would think that men might like 'dependent' women, but instead, men are attracted to women who have lives outside of their relationship and aren't clingy nor too needy," Dr. Terri Orbuch exclusively revealed to Glam. Just like your potential love interest has his own long list of favorite pastimes, so too should you have your own circle of friends to go out with, and your own hobbies that leave you feeling fulfilled while flying solo.
Wallflowers with potential
If you're not really the outgoing type and you find yourself standing alone in the corner at parties and other get-togethers, you may be happy to know this habit won't keep you from finding love. Wallflowers are the shy types – they might be socially awkward, have social anxiety, or prefer watching over participating. According to Susan Trombetti, "A lot of men love the 'wallflower' that others would[n't] notice." So, even if you're not as confident as your friends, there's still hope. "I am not sure why this would be because men love confident women, too, but it must be because they like helping to bring someone out of their shell," Trombetti exclusively told us.
This is proof that not all men are attracted to the same thing. While some want confidence right out the gate, others may find the prospect of a wallflower girl a welcome challenge. Or, it could just be that in addition to being shy, wallflowers are also perceived as sweet. "People are drawn to kind people, and they think of the wallflower as a kind person, so that part is easy to understand," Trombetti said.
A lack of jealousy
If you're the jealous type, you may be running into issues in your relationships, as it seems many men aren't into that type of emotion. "It is a myth that jealousy is a sign of how much you care about someone," Dr. Terri Orbuch exclusively explained. "Instead, when women don't experience suspicious jealousy, they appear more self-confident with higher self-esteem, and thus more attractive to men."
Jealousy shows a sign of mistrust in your relationship, and trust is an important thing to master for a healthy romance. "Experiencing jealousy in a relationship is fairly normal, especially in a new relationship or if the relationship is undergoing changes," Dr. Katie Schubert, a sex and couples therapist, told Verywell Mind. There's such a thing as normal jealousy, that which can be quickly worked through, but then there's the unhealthy kind. Unhealthy jealousy is what makes us accuse our partners of cheating (even when they aren't), makes us check their phones and emails, and has us wanting to spy on every move they make. Jealousy can show a fear of abandonment, which may be too much pressure, especially in a new relationship.
Clumsiness
Are you prone to tripping? Do you often bump into things? Your clumsiness may be attractive to some men. "Men find clumsy women endearing. It might be the damsel [in] distress type thing or that they don't seem arrogant," Susan Trombetti exclusively told us. "Toss in someone that can laugh at their clumsiness and not take themselves seriously, and they love it." But why is clumsy cute? Well, there are different levels of clumsiness that you'll want to know about first.
There's the clumsiness that risks injury to yourself or others, which isn't likely to be as attractive as the cute, "Oops, I bumped my funny bone again," clumsiness. Cute clumsy includes dropping things, stubbing your toe, and the like. It's cute because it shows that you're only human. And different than the self-deprecating humor that men tend to dislike, being able to laugh at your clumsiness shows that you can accept your faults and that you don't let them get to you.
A more natural look
Many of us may wear makeup hoping it will help attract a man, but plenty of guys prefer women with little to no makeup, according to Dr. Terri Orbuch. In our exclusive interview, Dr. Orbuch explained that men like a more natural-looking woman, with less makeup and fewer cosmetic enhancements. "Studies show that women actually thought men preferred way more makeup than they actually did," she said. There's also something to be said about aging gracefully, according to researcher Jan Antfolk of Abo Akademi University (via CBS News). "Sure, some older men have a strong preference for clearly younger women, but most tend to also find older women attractive," he told the outlet. "We look for many different characteristics when choosing a partner, and age is just one of them."
So, gals, unless you want to do your makeup for yourself or get cosmetic work done because that's your personal preference, consider trying out the no-makeup makeup look. You'll end up saving money by not getting injections or surgeries, and you'll keep your makeup stock fresh.
Similar traits
While you may find similar interests attractive, some people find similar traits attractive — like being attracted to someone with the same hair or eye color as you. "Subconsciously, hormones are activated because the other person has triggered some kind of similarity or resemblance," psychology professor Dr. Beverly Palmer told mbgrelationships. It could just be that we're seeking someone who shows us a better version of ourselves, Palmer posited.
Taking it a step further, relationship expert Rachael Lloyd explains why you might be finding yourself attracted to someone who acts or even looks like one of your parents. "It's well known that we tend to migrate towards people who share similar traits with us and, to varying degrees, we seek to recreate aspects of our original relationships with our parents," she told Australian Men's Health. And to offer an explanation that may help this attraction feel just a little less creepy, she added, "With mums as our primary caregivers in life, it's no surprise men are attracted to women who possess similar values." So, if you start to see a few similarities between yourself and your potential boyfriend's mom, just go with it.